Faith isn't free! That is what I have discovered. There is a price to pay. It just doesn't happen over night, or in the middle of the day....faith, is like when you plant tulip bulbs in the winter and it takes them several months to push through the dirt & bloom in the spring.
That is how I am feeling right now. Like a tulip bulb, deep in the ground....not above the earth yet, just barely poking my head above water...literally...before the sweet, little sprout sticks it's head out and then....BOOM - there's the beautiful, perfect, happy, pink or purple...tulip!
Right now, there is so much uncertainty. I can't explain it in great detail, b/c it's too tiring to do that. So, in a nutshell....well, we are really struggling.
We're not like most americans with huge mortgages, thank goodness. We are just a simple family, running a couple businesses from home, not using credit cards, TRYING to live below our means....& STILL making ends meet, is unbelievably difficult.
I don't know what's going on??? I'm starting to think is it me? what have I done? what have I NOT done? I'm confused. I am angry. I am sad. I am scared. I am feeling very faithless. I know who I need to trust. Not my husband, but my savior. My father in heaven. He already knows...He is in control...& He's not surprised by this. He knows the outcome.
I just wish, I could trust. I wish my faith was a little stronger.
Help me God! Help me find my way back to believing. I"m exhausted.
I want more of the Father IN ME! Help me daddy-God to trust, honor, love & cherish you.....no matter how hard the days may be.
Let my faith be a light shining for my kids to see. Let my faith be a light shining for those that are lost, find their way. I feel so empty right now. Please rescue me God!
Ok, so I prayed through this blog...but that's all I knew to do, b/c my heart is aching. When there's nothing left....pray.
More later....I'm tired.
